When you have the condition I do you have many a “preg scare”
or in my present and current stage of life… I like to call it my “oh
pleassseeee let there be a second freaking line or so help me I will draw one
on there!stage. So it’s my obsession… I have the urge to POAS every day! It’s
like wanting a smoke or craving chocolate … I could be as far away from a BFP
as possible but I know of ladies that are exactly the same they pee on the
dollar store ones and they pee on the digital ones (man are those expensive).
I also have tried that expensive Ovulation tester pee on a
stick thing a majigger. It basically tells you if you are ovulating or not by
giving you a smiley face for a positive and a circle for a negative… I always described
it as the empty circle of nothingness which is what I got for all 20 of the
strips the $50 box cost me. Ya you read right $50 don’t choke on ur chai latte’s
ladies getting preggers is expensive shiznit!
Like the time I decided to get my doctor to prescribe me Clomid…
After 4 months of thinking “la la la I am fertile and I should be pg by now
Metphormin has made me a fertile myrtle!” OH well no no my child Metphormin
made me normal and not crazy but did not actually make me fertile!!!
I went down there, I would’ve called but my dr office takes
their phones off the hook while the doctor is in that’s extremely counterproductive!
I went in and left with a prescription for Clomid yayyyyyy! Little did I know
that my Dr’s lovely assistant called in 3 mths worth of pills.. I got a call
from my local Shopper’s Drug Mart and the young lady was extremely unsure that
I would want 3 mths worth at once as it was not covered under my drug plan… Of
course it’s not for those of you who aren’t Canadian the one thing my lovely
country doesn’t recognize as a disease is infertility!!!!! It is not life
threatening ???? Umm yes HI HELLO! My name is C@ and I would like to have a
baby! I’ve threatened friends who have had preg scares that I will rip their
babies out and keep them for myself!!! Ok maybe a little graphic but women go
through horrible depressions trying to have a baby. This is proof that our
Government is run by mostly men … How would they feel if they couldn’t get a
stiffy??? Oh wait that’s right it’s considered a disease when a MAN CAN’T GET
IT UP!
Anyway I digress… The pills for 3 mths worth were gonna cost
$500. Again I’m sorry if you spit your hotchocolate out all over your yoga
pants but this is true! So I clarified how many pills I actually needed to make
my lady parts work properly.. I only needed 5 pills a month so I thought “oh ok
great that should maybe cost like $20.. Oh no no no 45 frickin dollars.. I realize
that you probably choked on your biscotti but I must finish this story so you
might wanna stop eating and drinking all together until your done reading!
So there you have it my friends I spent $9 a pill and I
STILL HAVE NOT GOTTEN TO TRY THEM YET! Apparently they make you super crazy (oh
yay fun times for my DH). Now I have something to hold over my child’s head
when they get their very first paycheck at their first job I can swipe it and
say “you cost me 50 bucks to make and I would like to be paid back!”
And now because it's my all time fav GIF file I give you Mirtle the hip gyrating mommy:
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