EPIC FAIL

So after having many a conversation with my friends I decided that it was time I got a blood test done. I was 8 days late and starting to wonder what exactly was going on. Additionally I started to feel strange little tugs and pulls and my back spasmed out today randomly.

Now if you’ve been reading all my rants from day one you will remember I have extremely deep veins. I don’t want to get poked like stuffed pig for nothing! I was holding out and my doctor’s assistant convinced me enough that the test was worth it to find out with many guilt clichés like: “What if you drink this weekend? Or have sushi? And all the while you were PG? You don’t want to risk the development of ur baby do you?”

My coworker gave me a great remedy to deep veins. If you drink enough water you’ll not only stuff ur bladder u’ll also bring your veins to the surface easier than if you had nothing to drink at all. And she was right ladies and gents (if there are any gents reading wow I’m really sorry you have to read this stuff even my husband refuses to read my blog!). Anyway I went in she only needed to poke me once and I pee’d in a cup and I was O.U.T. On the way back to my office I decided I was gonna treat myself to some Mcdicks… Yes that’s right I had been poked and stuff was taken from me! I’m sure as heck gonna reward my bravery with some greasy food!

I get back to my office and scarf down the lunch. Oh and I also bought myself some awesome new shampoo (another important tidbit about me is that I have a hair product obsession!). Not even an hour later I start feeling green! That Mcdicks ran through me faster than it takes for my trainer to realize that I’ve eaten crap (he’s pretty in tune to these things he has spidey sense).

So now I wait and wait and wait for blood test results. I went back to Wally world that night and bought some expensive digital prego tests and took one that night.. Ya it gave me a frickin error. This is a sign that the Gods don’t want me to find out that I’m crazy and not pregnant until tomorrow.

And the result is … drumroll please… NEGATORY…  Ah well move on to bigger better things!